I am always so amazed when I feel God's go ahead to work on "Through The Tears". I have done so different times in the last few months,however; today was an amazing day. I started at about 7:30 this morning and completely lost track of time until 12:05! I was absolutely lost in my editing. As I read through the 130 pages all ready written, I was so surprised to find what I had written there. I simply do not recall writing some of it. I did add several more paragraphs within the body of the story, and am waiting to hear from a friend that is now doing some editing for a christian publishing house. He may be able to do some editing and give me suggestions as to how to make this more readable. All I know is that what I have written has been something of a miracle to me. It has flowed out of my finger tips to the computer keyboard almost with out any effort by me. I believe that God is inspiring it.
Yes, I am very inexperienced when it comes to this ability, but I believe if inspired, anyone can write. After all, I am. I have prayed, and prayed, along with worry about how this would be accomplished. I guess those two things don't belong in the same sentence. Pray and worry I mean. I have always wanted to write a book since I was a child. I have such a vivid imagination. I used to tell my little brother some of the stories I would make up. My mother used to tell me "Becki you should write your stories in a book" I was in about the third or fourth grade, so I had no clue how to do something like that.
I thought I'd like to write something that I could "dream up" I could create the characters, and the towns. I could create the entire story not having to be concerned with accuracy, because It would come from my imagination. As I read about writing (I am currently reading six different books consecutively) to learn how to tell our story. I have found the need for accuracy to be extremely important. Yes, It is a story about a real experience, so people cannot refute it or say that's not true. It certainly is true, we have lived it for the last seven years, ten months and twelve days!
We have been "ambushed" by grief so many times it is hard to count, but I know that we have grown each and every time. Yes, It is very difficult to open the newspaper to find articles relating to the tragedy, or about some of the people involved. Over the past years that has happened several times, and the shock and disbelief that we had no idea some of the things were happening or had already happened was difficult to deal with.It's something you have you have to try to build up a tolerance to, because news is news. We have been told a couple of times about things that Brandi was planning, and that helped to soften the news, but nevertheless, as newsworthy as it may be, it is still very difficult to hear the story recapped. It opens wounds, and makes us relive some of the horrific moments we've had to go through as a family.
People may ask how I can write the book if it's to difficult to talk about? The book does recount the actual story, but it is more about how we have coped, and the things that God has shown us to help us get through our grief. My hope is that it will speak to the hearts of others that have gone through rough times, and don't know where to look for help! Jeff and I have gone to many churches both locally and across this nation to share our story. And yes while it is difficult, it helps others to know that this is what we've gone through, and this is how God has touched us and healed us.
It may sound strange to say, but it does help to see lives touched and changed by the recounting of our testimony. We have seen thousands of people hear it and come away with something good in their hearts. It has made a difference for our family. It helps us to know that while Liz may have touched many lives during her life, there are countless more that have been touched because of what she went through at the end of her life. I would never wish Liz back to this earth. Of course We all miss her desperately, but who in their right mind would want someone to leave a life in heaven, to come back to this sin filled, dangerous world? I would love to hug her, and hear her wonderful giggle again, to have those special mother daughter moments, but that will have to wait for a while, until my time on this earth is done. I now long for heaven. I have a much better understanding of it. I want to see Liz again of course, but I want to be there with my Lord, knowing that what He appointed me to do here was accomplished! Oh, how I want to see His face!