Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I'm so excited

Yesterday, I told a couple of friends that I was so excited I can hardly stand to be around myself! The reason is: I am going to the Colorado Christian Writer's Conference! I made my reservations, sent in my registration, and booked my flights! So cool!

I have been praying about going for the past month, and things seemed to come together for me yesterday. I also have been praying for help with my book, and God has provided someone locally to give me some advice. I think it's finally time to get this book published. It's been a long road, but I hoped and prayed that God would help me, and give me the right people to talk to that would be able to give me direction and encouragement. He has, and I am forever grateful to Him!

Open doors seem to be something that I struggled to find for so long, and I simply felt the Lord say "My time is not yet", so amidst tears, and going in circles I finally surrendered. It's been four LONG years since my writing began, and I felt then that it had been to long since the actual incident that sparked this book had happened. What my timing is and what God's timing is is most definitely different!

I want to let all of you know that have been in contact with me, and some of you that haven't been, that I appreciate your prayers and the words of encouragement from you! It is truly something that means the world to me, and to the rest of this family! It's because of the prayers of many that we have been able to come this far. THANK YOU!

Moving on...

We had our GriefShare group last night, and God was there! It's so exciting to see God touching the hearts of those in attendance, and you can see from week to week how that healing process is going simply by the looks on their faces and the discussion that follows! We all still have a long way to go before we are completely healed, but we all trudge on. We have some days where we feel like we are sitting up and taking nourishment, and other days where we can burst into tears at the drop of a hat. We discussed what we say to people when they ask us if we're doing OK. Sometimes we get angry because we are tired of people asking us "if we're OK" other times we know that people really don't want to know how we are, they just feel they need to make a comment to act like they care, when they really don't!
It's out of kindness sometimes, and other times just to make them look good. It has been a long time for Jeff and I and the rest of our family, but grief sometimes ambushes us, and it feels like we're fresh in it again.

It is so easy to get mad at people. Particularly with people that are calling to sell you something. I have been rather cruel at times particularly when they ask for Liz. For Pete's sake she been dead for almost eight years, why in the world are telemarketers calling and asking for her? I have been so upset when that has happened, that I get angry and tell them "NO you can't talk to her she's dead!" That really throws them! I know it's not very nice, but they'll never know how many times I wished I could pick up the phone and call her! It's impossible of course, but the thought is certainly there.

Have you ever made contact with a person that is grieving? Don't know what to say to them? Afraid to bring up the deceased person's name? Here are some suggestions for you.

People that are grieving don't think badly of you if you ask them how they are, they just get tired of being asked that same question so frequently. It is hard to be honest with how they feel at that moment.

People that are grieving usually don't mind talking their loved one. It tends to be something they want to talk about, it's actually healing to be able to talk. Don't be afraid it's make them cry.

People that are grieving don't always need words from you, sometimes a HUG is just the right thing! We need to know you care even if you don't have the "right words". Even if you just cry with us it helps.

People that are grieving can actually have more than one emotion at the same time. No, we are not a Jekyll/Hyde person, we are simply going through the motions (or emotions) of the day.

Here are some of the reactions that people had last night when we talked about this:
  • Some feel like their props have been knocked out from under them,
  • They are devastated.
  • It is the saddest thing they have ever had to go through.
  • Some people will say they are OK, just to give you an answer, but they really aren't OK.
  • Some will get angry and give you "what for" and will take out their frustrations on you.
  • If you think you're confused, just imagine what we feel!
  • Don't think you have to give us answers, just love us and don't forget us!
  • Allow us to grieve. There is NO TIME LIMIT ON HOW LONG GRIEF LASTS!
  • You will meet people that use grief as their identity.
  • It can't make them feel any worse, they have already been devastated.
  • Their world will never be the same.

I hope that maybe this may give you a few things to consider when you see someone that is grieving. We will not ever be NORMAL like we were before, because our world is not NORMAL. We will come to a NEW NORMAL. It may not be something you understand, but bear with us!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It may be said to hear your anger in you blog posting. Especially the part about the telemarketers asking for you dear daughter. Do you ever stop to think about THEM?? Likely some poor young person trying to make an some money for tuition.....they have no idea your daughter is dead and likely would not hurt you with it for anything. Why do you want to hurt them?? I would hope after 8 years and GreifShare you would have learned to step outside of your own circle of pain and give some respectful thought to those around you. I do know about pain our oldest son was killed in a plane crash 14 years ago. I know our God can heal broken hearts; but we have to give up the anger and the unforgiveness first.