Sunday, April 13, 2008

Expect an answer

In my last blog I commented about how I reacted to a telemarketer that was asking to speak to my deceased daughter. When I read the comment I was a bit concerned about how my comment was being read by others. I went back and re-read what I had written and I can see how that could have been seen. What I failed to write in my last post, but what had been in my head and mentioned in our meeting was that this was something I HAD done. It was not something done recently. This was a call that I received within the first year of grieving. Matter of fact it was the first time anyone had called asking for Liz. It came as such a shock, that I responded with the retort that she was dead. From my past experience, and from current experience, I need to watch how I say things. I do not think that my response was a good one, matter of fact it was a rude and cold response.

It was WRONG!

Yes, I am still getting calls and mail for Liz after 8 years. I am still not happy that I am getting calls from telemarketers for anyone in our household, for any purpose. (I have been on the National do not call list) However, my response has changed when it comes to people asking for my daughter. I may tell them she is not available, that she has passed away, and occasionally they will ask about the circumstances, so I tell them. I realize that the actual caller has no idea. I also ask (sometimes) if there is someone that I can speak to that could make sure that her name is completely removed from their lists. But, the majority of the time I will simply hang up.

Yes, I do agree with you that getting beyond the anger and unforgiveness is important!!!!! I have gotten past that, by the grace of God, just as you have been able to overcome the loss you expressed. I apologize if this post offended you. I am glad you wrote of your concern for me, and if I was holding on to my anger. It is NOT HEALTHY to do that, and we all need to be reminded that we have tendencies toward anger and unforgiveness.

I had no plan to cause any upset, and I did pray about this comment before I posted. I wanted to make sure that I explained without sounding smug or rude to you (whoever you are). Again, I thank you for your concern, as well as for the challenge to check my own heart. We all need that. I wish I could say that I received this comment with grace and finesse, but at first I did not. I was hurt that someone would think that I had a problem. I wanted to let whoever wrote it know that. Then I listened to my heart and understood where the comment was coming from.

Just because we have the right to express our opinions on the world wide web, (via the blog) so do others. This comment was not written with malice, or a pointing finger toward me, it was meant as help. I receive that! We all need to be willing to hear what someone tries to tell us, especially if it is something that will HELP us and not HARM us!

So, understand that I will try to be more clear in my writing. Sometimes I get so much in my mind that I can hardly keep up with my thoughts partly because I am a terrible typist. I know excuses, excuses.

My husband, my family and I have been strong supporters of forgiveness. That is a large part of why we have been able to go on, and have expressed to others that it is one of the most important things you will ever do. That is why I felt it important enough to go ahead and make the comment public, and expound on it. If I appear to have an unforgiving spirit, I hope God will bring it to my attention, (I may not always be happy to have something like that pointed out) I hope that I don't allow it to bring bitterness and anger in my heart. That is something that is very difficult to
get beyond. Unless you surrender it to God.

Perfection... it's a word I have often read, thought of and wondered if there really is such a thing. I only have to look to Jesus for that answer. I will probably never reach that point in my own life, in any area, but it's a good thing to strive for. I want to have the character of Jesus be visible to all that see me, hear me, or even read what I have written. My deepest desire is to look in a mirror and see Jesus looking back at me. I want to be able to see people the same way that God sees them (including the telemarketers, that I have been rude to) I am sure they did not see or hear anything from my mouth that would have been pleasing to God. I still do not want to receive those calls, but I will in the future try to be Christlike in my conversations.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for addressing my comment regarding telemarketer calls. I am so thankful you realized the intent of my comment was NOT to offend or hurt you. God knows you do not need any more hurt. Just wanted you to know I did read your reply and now understand the circumstances more clearly. As a fellow GriefShare facilitaor I think it is so very important to guide people away from their anger and bitterness; into the loving, forgiving arms of Jesus. Some people have held on to hurt and resentment for 20 years and just let it completely destroy their lives. I am relieved to know this won't be YOU!

Forgive me for not posting my name. You would not know me even if did. Their are personal reasons why I choose not to post my name on the web any more than necessary.

Becki said...

No problem! Thank you for your concern! If you had not questioned me I would not have realized that it did sound bitter and angry!
It's so true, people hang onto it and it is so unhealthy!