Aging gracefully?

I don't know how graceful I am at doing it, but I am most assuredly aging! Know how I know? Besides looking in the mirror and looking at my drivers license...

I just came in from weeding all of my flower beds (except for one that I forgot) see senility is there too! I am now nursing every aching muscle I have, that could be affected by bending over, stooping down, pulling out, lifting up and carting away. Owwww! Not to mention that my Fibro is going bonkers in my shoulders and elbows. I think I am falling apart.

Another thing that let's me know how old I am is that my middle son, Jordan, is 21 today! Shoot, now he's a full fledged adult! That kinda stinks if you know what I mean? I cannot believe how fast they grow up. I am trying desperately to let them grow up, and to let go. Matter of fact I am kinda paranoid about that. I don't want to over-do motherhood!

I am not a control freak, I am not (as my brother so kindly pointed out on Saturday) a neat freak. I do like to see ducks in a row, but there seems to be weeds growing around them. (That is the flower bed I missed) If I was a control freak I would want everything done (well I want it done, but it doesn't get there) I would want to control everything, but I find I am seriously lacking in having anything under control!

I have also decided that I am excellent at multi-tasking. I figured that out by doing my daily activities, start one thing and end up doing 15 other things as I go from room to room... Anyone else like that? My sister and I claim to have ADD. I changed it from ADD to ADOS (Attention Deficit...Oooooh Shiny) ever since I saw the little "Pieces of Flair" on Facebook. Yes, I have a Facebook page! And a Myspace page too!

See I can't stick to just one thing!

My hands are an absolute mess! No long nails, grass stained, hangnails, and dirt under what little nails I do have, Ohhhh I hate that. I say that because I am looking at my poor hands as I type. One thing I do like, is to have my hands look nice... well, I am seriously lacking on that at the moment. I don't want to take the time or spend the money to get my nails done, as I usually do. I have other things I'd like to spend the money on...

Ewwww, even my hands look old!

Like buying stuff for the guest room! That means SHOPPING! I am itching to get started in that room, but Jeff thinks I need to wait until both boys are back to school. Jordan left yesterday, and Chris is waiting until the 30th to go. So that means I have to wait! Ugh! I hate waiting. I am still waiting to hear from the publisher, and I am not doing that very well.

Complain, complain. complain...whine, whine, whine...One of my favorite things to do (I have many favorites)

Let me see where was I? Oh, I remember, I think... I was shopping yesterday and found a few things. I also purchased material to make a quilted dresser scarf, and table scarf for the quest room. The colors are so pretty! Here are pictures I have to many things I want to do so I don't know how much I will actually get done.

The ones on the left are for the guest room, the ones on the right are for my living room, or somewhere... I loved the colors.

As I was copying my pictures from my camera to post the pictures above, I ran across these of Jeff. He apparently took them of himself when we visited Micah in Virginia in May. I thought you might get a kick out of them. I'm sure he never imagined I'd post them on here when he took them! Ha! Now you see what I have to put up with... a goofy but lovable husband!

I should quit playing around here and get back to work. I still have a lot to do today, if my creaky achy body will let me!

It's Monday

Why is it the weeks go by so fast? Seems you blink, and they are gone. I did have a good weekend though. Jeff and I borrowed my brother's houseboat on Saturday, and spent the night out on the lake. It was nice. I truthfully didn't want to go, because it needed a lot of work as no one had used it yet this year, so I envisioned WORK. Jeff and my brother Doug had made sure everything was working (necessities) and cleaned it a bit. So, it wasn't nearly as bad as I had anticipated. I did do some cleaning on Sunday. And no we didn't go to church. I know we felt a bit odd because we love our church! However, I am sure Dwight would understand, and excuse us. Jeff desperately needed some time away that was relaxing, that didn't involve driving for nearly 20 hours. We both felt rested, so much so that we could hardly keep our eyes open later in the afternoon, so... we napped! It was a beautiful day, I got some sun, actually I got sunburned. And Jeff got to do what his heart desired, he idled around Atwood Lake.

I have canning to do today. I have tomatoes ready to do another batch of salsa, I have red beets ready, and I have beans (the LAST of the season) and I have a boat load of zucchini. I made 3 batches of zucchini bread on Friday, ummm yummy! So as you can see I have a busy day ahead of me.

Jordan will be returning home from Virginia today. He went to visit Micah. He will come home, play golf with NewPointe's golfing league, pack his car and leave for Indiana tomorrow. I cannot believe this kid, running, running, running. He leaves for California on Thursday, and his 21st Birthday is this Wednesday. I'd like to know how I got so stinkin inkin old? My kids don't seem to realize that I get older just as they do, so I think I'd like to slow that progress down a bit. Micah will be 24 next month, I have one teenager left... until March, then Chris will be 20! Whew! Move over for granny...

I am still waiting to hear about the manuscript. Bummer. I received an e-mail from the people I sent the short story to for the Gary Chapman/Jim Bell book, just saying that she received it and looked forward to reading it. I won't know about that one until November... I have to finish/polish the one for the other Jim Bell book. It is due by the 24 of August.

I began shopping around for ideas for what I should wear to the Moravian Women's Conference. I know it's a long time away, but I am one of those goofy people that likes to PLAN. I saw Lisa Troyer at the mall and told her why I was there. She will be there too (at the conference). She didn't come out and say it, but I think she though it was a bit early to plan that. Ha! I have to make sure everything matches... remember? That could take a while. I am sure I have something in one of my totes downstairs that I could wear since I have clothes in size ranges of 5/6 to 16. I am in the 10-12 range at the moment, hoping to be a 10 by the middle of October... we'll see.

I don't have a lot of exciting stuff for this post. Sorry. I guess I should take that as a sign that I need to get busy around here. Start adding water to my canners, wash jars, chop veggies, yippee...

Fear

Why are we so familiar with this emotion? I wake up everyday, knowing that I have an entirely new day ahead. I don't have the intention to become fearful, but for some reason it slips into my day, somehow, somewhere. Recently it has been fear of failure (again). I am still waiting to hear from the publisher about my manuscript. I think it's going to be another rejection... I seem to be searching out places to hide not physically, but emotionally. I'll get busy doing things that truly need to be done, but I am hiding from the inevitable. I mentioned in an earlier post about writing that is due by weeks end. I am working on it, but I am fearful they won't like what I have written. I am having trouble coming up with a "story" for one of them, and then I second guess what I already have written.


I then revert back to something familiar, like canning vegetables, or doing laundry, or cooking. Something I know I am capable of doing, and am easily able to accomplish. I was supposed to go to a writer's class Monday, and because of a phone call, I allowed myself to cancel going because of something else. I found out a short time after I cancelled that it wasn't really necessary, but I let that stupid fear of man, and intimidation take over. UGH. Sorry Sally!


I am reading a book that I purchased two years ago called For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. It is a book explaining the male, and his way of thinking. I think this is something that I really need to understand. I am finding out just how fragile the male ego truly is. I thought I was a mess and very weak in certain areas, but I never really thought about how Jeff may be feeling in a similar situation. So, hopefully I will read it and it will help me understand, and put a few things into action. I think that maybe I need to get Jeff the book For Men Only, by Jeff Feldhahn. Maybe he'll be able to figure out some of my "problems".

Oh, how truly fragile we human beings are.

It is now Sunday and I began this blog on Tuesday. I kept adding bits and pieces to it but each time it said that the site was down, so I used that excuse to not finish.

I did accomplish a lot since I began this post. I finished the last devotional, they are due today, but I got permission to send it out tomorrow once I receive the edited ones back. I also added to the story for the Gary Chapman/James Stuart Bell book, and I sent it out this afternoon. I received another invitation to write for James Stuart Bell for his book: A Cup of Comfort Book of Bible Promises: Stories of How God Faithfully Keeps His Word in Our Lives.

I will probably send in another story for this one. As soon as I get it written. I have a very short amount of time to get this one written. Only about a week and a half. I may use one I already have written, but get it edited for this one.

I found out that another friend of mine will also be at the Moravian Women's Conference in October. Lisa Troyer and the Circle Of Friends worship team will be doing worship at this conference where I will be sharing on Saturday morning. I mention it on the side bar of this blog! It will be a blessing to be a part of that, but also to work at the same place as the COF worship team.

This week is Jordan's last week at the nursing home. He will be done on Wednesday. He is then going to visit Micah in Virginia.He will be home for a whole day before he leaves to head to Indiana, then on to California to visit a friend from IWU. They will drive back to school from CA. Jordan will also celebrate his 21st Birthday next week. WOW I can hardly believe it! I feel old when I think about that.

We will then send Chris off to IWU that last week of August. The summer has flown by. The boys are really anxious to get back to school and their friends. They have been pretty bored here in Dover over the summer. Not much to do. I will miss them a lot, but I do have to admit it is nice to have the extra time alone. Jeff and I got into the habit of not having to worry about the boys, when they will be home, if they will be here to eat, and so on. We got on our own schedule...

I will be doing my counseling classes again after the guys are gone. It's just been to hard to keep up with studies and write, and take care of ALL the laundry, all the dishes, all the gardening/canning. I love doing all of those things, but whew... I'm pooped.

I still have not heard from the publisher. It will be four weeks on Tuesday. I did e-mail them, but I think that because of the Greater Philadelphia Christian Writers Conference, that was this weekend that may have had something to do with the delay. We'll see.

My, I have such random thoughts. I apologize for all of the different directions I have taken. It has been well over a week since I posted. I will try to do better in the near future.

Oh, yes another rabbit trail here... I made contact with an old aquaintance from college this week. We were pretty good friends and had kept in touch for many years, but over the past seven or eight years have completely lost touch. It was nice hearing form Laurie again. I actually found her on Facebook, sort of by accident. I was just typing in names and thought hmmmm, I wonder if Laurie might have a Facebook page. Sure enough! Then I tried several other names but came up empty handed on those. So far since January, I have been in contact with four people from my old college days. Fun!

Well, I think I have confused or amused all of you enough. I'm sleepy, and have another migraine... more later-I promise.

Impressions

Thursday my sister told me about a past acquaintance of mine. It was actually my sixth grade homeroom teacher from Central Elementary in New Phila. He actually remembered me, and he was the one that brought it up. You see it was in 1971-72. Not that he is that old (really) it's just that I was in his first class the year he began teaching, so for him to actually remember me with all of the students he's had over the past "few years" is a surprise.
The thing that my sister said that he remembered specifically was that I was a "religious" person! I used to carry my Bible to school, and he remembered that! Then Suzanne had the opportunity to fill him in on what has been happening in my life (after he asked), and she told him about Liz, and that it was my "FAITH" that helped get me through that time! What an opportunity to witness. It appeared that he and his wife were touched after she relayed the information.

I guess we really don't now what we do that speaks to people. It's been so many years since I was in his class, and to find out now was so very encouraging. I also received an e-mail from another girl this past week. She used to come to our house and visit with her family. They are from Cincinnati. She is a couple of years older than Liz, but she and her sisters were good family friends that we have not sen in years. Anyway, she e-mailed me this past week and told me how much something that I had written here in this very blog that touched her. My greatest hope is for this to be an instrument that God can use to touch many.

Jeff called me today to find out what this blog address is so that another friend of ours could read it. I was surprised once again that he would be interested. I was even surprised to find out that Jeff reads this! I also found out that my oldest son has read it too. Surprise surprise!

I have had another week that I truly do not care to repeat. I won't bemoan all of it, but please keep us in prayer.

I am going bonkers waiting to hear from the publisher. When I received the e-mail from Sue she said I should hear from them with in the next week. That will be three weeks this Tuesday. Every minute that passes I am more convinced that they too will pass on publishing my manuscipt. If they were really excited about it, they would have contacted me by now, so, back to the publisher listings for me I think. BUMMER!

I do have to buckle down to finish the devotionals. They are due by August 10. And I need to polish the story I am sending to Gary Chapman and James Stuart Bell. Maybe something will happen from that connection!?

I am nearly ready to begin working on my new guest room within the next few days. I have already gotten a few things, but the rest will have to come from my "archives" of stuff. I find doing that kind of stuff very cathartic, plus it lets my "artistic self" feel artistic I guess. It's fun.

Right now I am fighting for foot room under my desk. It has started to storm and I have a scared beagle hiding under my feet! What a crazy pup.
We are under a severe thunderstorm warning until 8:15 I don't particularly care for storms, but Buzz is a real hoot at the moment. At least I won't have to water my flowers and the garden. I have begun canning beans and beets and have made a small batch of fresh salsa. Oh my is that salsa wonderful. I smell like a garlic factory, but I have really happy taste buds.

Sunday our church NewPointe Community Church (www.newpointe.org) is doing something out of the ordinary. We are NOT having church we are going to BE THE CHURCH. WE are doing things for people like a community service project see the web site to see some of the other things we have done (The Big Give tab) features some of the things we did. Our small group is one of the groups that has pictures on there. We took in supplies to the homeless shelter our pictures are of our small group around my dining room table assembling our baskets, and also the back of my van has stuff we delivered too. Check it out. Anyway, I think our group is going to do some yard work, gutter cleaning, and some other things for some Senior citizens in the area. It should be fun. I will post pictures this next week of our group. So, if you live in Tuscarawas County and see people out doing things on Sunday if they are wearing bright yellow t-shirts that say go-08 Community Outreach that is a part of NewPointe's parishioners reaching out to our community! Make sure you at least honk to show your support.

Well, I need to fluff and fold some more laundry. Until next time...

A stressful week

Don't you just love it when you are awakened at 5:40 AM on a Monday morning with a phone call, stating that your father has been taken via ambulance to the Emergency room. You get there can't find him for a little while, still don't know what is going on for about 20 minutes, only to find out very little. You wait in the outpatient surgical waiting room, for a short while... End up spending the remainder of the day sitting with a totally groggy/sleeping 78 year old man in ICU. (He is going to be fine by the way) We found out he had a severe case of colitis brought on my poor circulation. UGH.

Then you get to take your mother to another hospital on Tuesday morning (picked her up at 6:15 AM) for surgery. She and my father are divorced, but they usually know what each other is doing. At this point, my mother still does NOT know about my dad. We didn't want anything to get in the way of this much needed surgery for my mom. After she is released today, we may tell her. She already ended up spending another night in the hospital than was originally expected. Not been a great week.

Then, I realized on Monday night that my garden has decided that NOW would be a good time to put out a yield of string beans that need to be picked and canned. I gave away as much as I could in a short time and canned and cooked the rest... for the moment. I should have another half bushel/bushel ready on Friday. I have beets to process today. I think the rest will wait a day or two before being ready. WHEW!

I am still waiting to hear from Strang Communications as to whether they are interested in publishing my book. They said I should hear from them by this week, but we'll see... I want to be hopeful, to be excited, to believe that this may be the one, but I have been warned by many an author not to get your hopes up. The tendency is to not locate a publisher easily. Even the best authors have received rejections, so far I have been to 5 publishers, and been rejected by all of them, maybe this one will be the positive one, maybe not. I have certainly learned a lot in this process. 5 publishers is actually very few. I know that one woman was rejected (I think she said) 42 times before she found a publisher for her book. Oh, my! I truly hope that won't be the case, but I need to prepare myself for that happening.

Another lousy thing that happened is I gained 2 stinking pounds. I have worked so hard to lose this weight, and then as the stress kicks in, I gain weight. Makes me feel like screaming.

Sorry about the complaining, I guess I needed to vent (to the whole world).

I am guessing, actually I know that this is the point that I need to double my prayer/devotional time to gain a bit of strength, and sanity.

Oh, here is some good news. My nephew Josh is back home from Iraq!!!!!!! Hallelujah. He came home early (he was there as a civilian, working for the Gov't) to go to the Mayo Clinic with his wife Rose. Rose has a very rare type of cancer called MPD (a blood disorder). She saw the world renown specialist, and received a very positive report. THANK YOU JESUS!

I have rambled and complained enough. I just figured that I needed to vent, and also blog since it had been a week and a half...oops!

Hey, my living room looks great! I love the color. Chris has painted his new

house too. In the first picture you can see the back half of the living room done, then see the front half with the cutting in done. It was bland white, but I did have a boarder. Now it is a warm color called Bagel. I love it! What a difference it makes. Here are mid and finished pictures.

The color in the pictures truly does not do it justice. I mentioned Chris's house. He is now living in the "shed" where Micah used to be. Micah packed up his stuff when he was home on vacation (not real happy about it) but he did it. Chris chose a really dark gray. I wasn't sure I would like it, but it think it's okay now. I'll post pictures of that next time. My next project will be to turn Chris's old room into the "guest room". I have decided on paint colors, I got two quilts, and am collecting furniture from my sister, our storage unit and another couple of pieces I have here. It's going to be very "antiquey looking" I am really enjoying doing this. Kinda therapeutic. Well I better get a move on, laundry to fold beets to pick and can...yippee.

For some reason the pictures won't line up right, so sorry for the goofy layout.

Living up to my own words

Well, I suppose I need to be careful what I say. Particularly if I write it in this blog. On Thursday I had a heated conversation with Jeff in regard to something he asked me to do. It is something I have done in the past and could tell that it just was not where my calling is. (Or so I thought). On June 22 I wrote about being challenged. That I wanted to be an influence in people's lives. When I got a phone call from Jeff and he asked me to attend a meeting with him I threw a fit. I know, that was dumb! The phone call ended in a non pleasant way, with me having a fit, and Jeff being hurt.

Later in the evening, I brought up the subject again. I was still very upset and wanted to find out some things. In this conversation Jeff actually had the audacity to bring up what I had written, and said "well I thought after what you wrote about the message that Dwight shared maybe you changed your mind". (see June 22 blog below). Why is it that when you feel so strongly about something when you originally write about it, when someone brings it up again you want to say "that's not what I meant". When in all actuality it is what you meant, you just don't want someone throwing your own words back in your face.

Well, needless to say, I really battled with this. I thought about it all night, and all day Friday. I knew what I needed to do, what God wanted me to do, what I was sure Jeff wanted me to do. Then, just when I had pretty well decided to go ahead and go, I was pulling weeds in my flower beds and low and behold... my back went out! For those of you that know me, that is not a good thing. I have had two back surgeries because of ruptured discs. That is enough to strike fear in the heart of someone that knows that pain!

Let me give you a little larger picture of what my day had produced. I had been cleaning like a crazy woman (I do that when I am upset). I had cleaned my room that evening , prior to weeding the garden, and a few loads of laundry. I was attempting to do more laundry when my washer died again. So, enterprising woman that I am, decided that I'd let those clothes soak... and ask for someone to "jiggle the wires later). I then proceeded to tear down the living room. I removed all of the pictures, "nick-knacks" move furniture, remove the wall paper boarder in preparation to paint. I have had the gallon of paint sitting in my dining room for about four months. No time like the present... right?

It was after I had accomplished all that Jeff came home that the conversation commenced.

I knew that before I could paint (or Jeff could) that I needed to scrape that remaining wall paper residue from the walls, and wash the streaks left from the vinegar/water solution I used to do that. I have everything torn up in the house and then go outside to pull those weeds that I have been meaning to get to. So, I go outside and begin to pull weeds, and in one smooth move (really) I managed to send sharp pains down my back! I continued to pull weeds, then pick up sticks... anything to escape what I knew I needed to do.

At 3:00 I came to the conclusion that I simply needed to quit doing things and get ready to go to the Attention Center with Jeff.

This is something that he has done for about 18 years or more. He is able to go in and spend time with these kids, and then share what God has put on his heart. Normally there is at least one other person there with him, but he wasn't sure if the other person would make it or not. All he did was ask me to go in and help him, and I threw a fit! I have gone to this place about four or five times in all of these years, and have not been impressed. It was something that had been upsetting to me because of the way the kids acted. I felt like it was a waste of time because the kids didn't listen, and weren't receptive! It didn't matter that Jeff said that it really wasn't that way, that nearly every time the kids were well behaved and responsive. I had that picture in my mind that it wasn't going to be worth my time...

The thoughts running through my mind of what my husband so kindly reminded me that I had written just a few weeks ago. Where was I going to be that I could be an influence in any one's life? I have turned into a hermit back here on our farm. I only go somewhere when I want to, since I am not working I can pick and choose where I go and when I want to go.

OKAY! I get it! I went up and took my shower wincing in pain, and figured I would try to be ready by 4:00 to leave. If I didn't make it by then I would just not go... Well, I was ready plenty early. I drove to the Attention Center and saw that Jeff was already there sitting in his car preparing to go in. He was surprised to see me (I was surprised to see me) and was so happy that I came to support him. I went in (still wincing from pain) and told him in a nut shell why I was there. I couldn't do much at home, so God allowed a "thorn in the flesh" to put me where I should have been willing to be in the first place.

At this moment it is 4:03 AM and I cannot sleep. My back is bothering me a bit, but my conscience is bothering me more. Jeff will be getting up in about 20 minutes to go to the prison in Chillicothe to visit a man that never gets visitors. (No, this is not the man that killed Liz) He is going not because he wants to go, but because he feels that this is what God wants him to do. To be an influence in some one's life. Just so you know, I have the coffee ready for Jeff to take on his trip! (some consolation huh?)

Let me give you a little suggestion; if you feel God impressing you that you need to be doing something, anything that will make a difference in some one's life, and you blog about it or even think about it. It is much better to answer that call. It can be a very painful experience to get you to that point. I really meant what I said on June 22, I just wanted God to use my time table, and to "send me" where I wanted to go. Not one of the more intelligent thoughts I have had!

Lord, help me to be obedient, and not so stubborn in the everyday things in life. Let me see that You have a plan for me, even if that plan consists of something that I don't want to do, but You want me to do!

In case you are wondering, the kids were great! They were very attentive, and even polite. They listened and didn't have nasty comments or snicker. They were much more willing to be there and participate in the meeting than at any other time I have been there. I am ashamed to say that I felt the way I did. Those kids are there because of a wrong decision, I was there because of a right decision that I made the wrong way. I didn't do anything while I was there except hand out snack chips to the kids that won the game we were playing. I said nothing, but being there said volumes!

Finally a nice day!

Does it seem like summer has been lacking around here? This has been a very unusual summer as far as I am concerned. Although it is kind of like my emotions have been, sort of different every other day.

I have been invited to write for a book to be published in Spring of 2009 (next year) it is a book that is being written by Gary Chapman and James Stuart Bell. It is titled : Love Lessons: Everyday Acts of Love That Change Lives.
I am praying about whether I should write something or not. I have had so many positive remarks and encouragement, and them someone threw another thought into the process, so I am not positive if I should go ahead with this or not. Any thoughts? I want to make sure this is something that can be a blessing to the people that read my portion, but I also want God to receive the glory. The book is sort of like a Chicken Soup for the Soul type book, but not concentrated about God. Here is the excerpt from the invitation:

The story should include descriptive character development, especially related to the soul; how emotions, perspective, and quality of life changed based on the interactions between people. We prefer stories to be in first person, based on your personal experience of growth. But “as-told-to” stories will be considered. These stories do not have to include God in them and, if they do, God should not be the focus. We will be appealing to both the Christian and secular markets with the message of how to love others from a human perspective, so please eliminate Christian jargon.

So, perhaps you can see my predicament? I need true wisdom on this subject. While it is a tremendous opportunity, I am not sure what to do. Please, if any of you can give me ideas or share your wisdom let me know!

On to other things... it has been so nice having Micah home for the week. He has to go back to Virginia on Wednesday morning, so his vacation is almost over. It's been fun cooking for all of my guys and seeing them enjoy eating. We had a family reunion on Saturday, and had a lot of food there, as well as the rest of the stuff for the long holiday weekend. I am attempting to get back in the swing of things again with my diet. I was afraid to get on the scales this morning, so I will wait until tomorrow. I have been pretty good today. I had only 18 more pounds to go to get to my goal, and I don't want to have to lose the same pounds all over again1 Ugh...

Got to see my cousin/good friend from high school today. We were really good friends in high school, and said way back then that our kids would call us Aunt Cassie and Aunt Becki. Funny thing is, now I am really related to her my husband and she are first cousins, but we still call each other "Aunt" even though were really cousins. Goofy I know! It has been a year since I saw Cassie and the girls Katie and Maddie (16 and 14) and I was so shocked at how tall they are! They are both 6 feet or over. (I must have gotten in the wrong line because I am soooo short!) It's just not fair!

Well, Jeff wants to go for a walk, and as much as I don't want to go, I know I need to, so I'll see you later!