Fear

Why are we so familiar with this emotion? I wake up everyday, knowing that I have an entirely new day ahead. I don't have the intention to become fearful, but for some reason it slips into my day, somehow, somewhere. Recently it has been fear of failure (again). I am still waiting to hear from the publisher about my manuscript. I think it's going to be another rejection... I seem to be searching out places to hide not physically, but emotionally. I'll get busy doing things that truly need to be done, but I am hiding from the inevitable. I mentioned in an earlier post about writing that is due by weeks end. I am working on it, but I am fearful they won't like what I have written. I am having trouble coming up with a "story" for one of them, and then I second guess what I already have written.


I then revert back to something familiar, like canning vegetables, or doing laundry, or cooking. Something I know I am capable of doing, and am easily able to accomplish. I was supposed to go to a writer's class Monday, and because of a phone call, I allowed myself to cancel going because of something else. I found out a short time after I cancelled that it wasn't really necessary, but I let that stupid fear of man, and intimidation take over. UGH. Sorry Sally!


I am reading a book that I purchased two years ago called For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. It is a book explaining the male, and his way of thinking. I think this is something that I really need to understand. I am finding out just how fragile the male ego truly is. I thought I was a mess and very weak in certain areas, but I never really thought about how Jeff may be feeling in a similar situation. So, hopefully I will read it and it will help me understand, and put a few things into action. I think that maybe I need to get Jeff the book For Men Only, by Jeff Feldhahn. Maybe he'll be able to figure out some of my "problems".

Oh, how truly fragile we human beings are.

It is now Sunday and I began this blog on Tuesday. I kept adding bits and pieces to it but each time it said that the site was down, so I used that excuse to not finish.

I did accomplish a lot since I began this post. I finished the last devotional, they are due today, but I got permission to send it out tomorrow once I receive the edited ones back. I also added to the story for the Gary Chapman/James Stuart Bell book, and I sent it out this afternoon. I received another invitation to write for James Stuart Bell for his book: A Cup of Comfort Book of Bible Promises: Stories of How God Faithfully Keeps His Word in Our Lives.

I will probably send in another story for this one. As soon as I get it written. I have a very short amount of time to get this one written. Only about a week and a half. I may use one I already have written, but get it edited for this one.

I found out that another friend of mine will also be at the Moravian Women's Conference in October. Lisa Troyer and the Circle Of Friends worship team will be doing worship at this conference where I will be sharing on Saturday morning. I mention it on the side bar of this blog! It will be a blessing to be a part of that, but also to work at the same place as the COF worship team.

This week is Jordan's last week at the nursing home. He will be done on Wednesday. He is then going to visit Micah in Virginia.He will be home for a whole day before he leaves to head to Indiana, then on to California to visit a friend from IWU. They will drive back to school from CA. Jordan will also celebrate his 21st Birthday next week. WOW I can hardly believe it! I feel old when I think about that.

We will then send Chris off to IWU that last week of August. The summer has flown by. The boys are really anxious to get back to school and their friends. They have been pretty bored here in Dover over the summer. Not much to do. I will miss them a lot, but I do have to admit it is nice to have the extra time alone. Jeff and I got into the habit of not having to worry about the boys, when they will be home, if they will be here to eat, and so on. We got on our own schedule...

I will be doing my counseling classes again after the guys are gone. It's just been to hard to keep up with studies and write, and take care of ALL the laundry, all the dishes, all the gardening/canning. I love doing all of those things, but whew... I'm pooped.

I still have not heard from the publisher. It will be four weeks on Tuesday. I did e-mail them, but I think that because of the Greater Philadelphia Christian Writers Conference, that was this weekend that may have had something to do with the delay. We'll see.

My, I have such random thoughts. I apologize for all of the different directions I have taken. It has been well over a week since I posted. I will try to do better in the near future.

Oh, yes another rabbit trail here... I made contact with an old aquaintance from college this week. We were pretty good friends and had kept in touch for many years, but over the past seven or eight years have completely lost touch. It was nice hearing form Laurie again. I actually found her on Facebook, sort of by accident. I was just typing in names and thought hmmmm, I wonder if Laurie might have a Facebook page. Sure enough! Then I tried several other names but came up empty handed on those. So far since January, I have been in contact with four people from my old college days. Fun!

Well, I think I have confused or amused all of you enough. I'm sleepy, and have another migraine... more later-I promise.