Monday, January 28, 2008

Ok, so I am back to having "sassy" hair. Got it cut and highlighted today.....
ahhhhh it feels so much better! I was hoping for the looking thinner, looking younger thing to happen, but oh well, at least I have the gray hair covered!

I am feeling a little more encouraged. I have received a few positive "reviews" on the writing that I did the other day, and even spent time with a friend today. That was encouraging! We poured our hearts out to each other about a bunch of "stuff" and I felt a bit better by the time she left! It's just nice to know that when you're going through something and feel kind of like the Lone Ranger, that isn't the case. There are other people that are feeling the same things that I am! Thanks friend for your words, and critique!

I am feeling a bit old today knowing that my nasty 48th Birthday is just around the corner. It makes me wonder where all of those years went! Sheeesh, I am getting so old. The oldest I have ever been! Well, I am sticking to the belief that with age comes WISDOM! Right Lord? Please let that be right Father God! I could use a little wisdom, or a lot would be better.

I am going to Archiver's on Thursday! I am so stoked!!!! Mary and I are going and I think Carol G. too. Not sure about anyone else, but hey, we will have a blast. I am getting pretty excited about the Circle of Friends Women's conference too. I mentioned this in an earlier blog. It's right around the corner. (see check it out girls, it should be great.

We had small group last night, the first one in 2008. I know we're behind, but we did meet and had a great meeting. Thanks everyone! We've got a great group. We've been together for a long time.( Since 40 Days of Community) I know that we are supposed to meet for a time then hopefully the group will split and multiply. I think we will do this eventually, but we are really getting into some good Bible studies and I feel that we are growing. I am sure that we will eventually grow into a couple of groups, but for the time being we're here! We should be hearing from our Small Group Coaches soon. I am anxious to see who our new coach will be.

We're going through a rough time with my dad again. He just had his eighth surgery since last year at this time. It's not been a fun experience. He is so stubborn and set in his ways. He just doesn't want to cooperate and do as he's instructed. He does it while he's in the hospital, but when left to his own devices he's really messing up. He is currently in the nursing home, but we don't know how long he'll be there. He is his own worst enemy at this point. Please pray for him, and for my sister and I (and my brother too) We have to make a few decisions and need wisdom in how to broach the subject of what happens from this point. I don't like this responsibility! None of us do.

Still no books for my classes! I keep hoping I'll get a back order date, but none have popped up via my e-mail. I guess that means that I need to continue working on the manuscript. I have a couple more ideas, but not a lot. My imagination needs stirred. Another prayer request for you! I can feel the thoughts bouncing around in my head, I just haven't captured them yet. Remember that wisdom that I mentioned a couple of paragraphs ago? I sure could use some here!

Ok, it's jammie time, so I'm done for tonight. I need my "beauty sleep" every bit helps believe me. The coyote howling last night creeped me out, and I had goofy dreams after that, so I need a good night's sleep tonight! See ya! zzzzzzzzzzz

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Practice, practice, practice.

Yes, that is what I am doing practicing.

Exactly what I am practicing for is the real question. In the past several days my mind has been going several directions. I was prepared to begin my "classes" via the Internet/computer course. Only to figure out on Monday that my books, DVDs and other things ordered have been on back order! Bummer!!!!

I have waited 27 1/2 years to pick up where I left off, and now I am in a hurry. Explain that? What difference will a week or two make now? I guess when you get yourself so "psyched" to start something, then find out that you aren't going to start it, it's a HUGE disappointment. Maybe this is God's way of preparing me for some things. So, in the mean time, I have decided to paint my living room. I had to sit on my hands Thursday when I thought about ripping off the boarder in that room. I have a tendency to be a person that will pick at a loose end, until I have worn a hole, or torn it. There is a corner that has come "un-glued" and I can't stand it! But, since January, when I came to the conclusion that I need to "finish things" I decided that it was not time. Oh man, that corner is really bugging me!!!!

I have about a hundred other things that need to be done before I start pulling things off the wall, but my brain goes into the "oh, let's do that mode" and I'm off on another tangent. OK, so as of this morning I started to attempt something else. Re-writing Through The Tears. It's only an attempt. For those of you that received it to critique it, I need to hear from you! Please be honest, not kind (well kind would be nice too) just tell me!
I have a little calendar on my desk that one of the people from GriefShare gave me, it's one of those day by day flip calendars. Today's says:
I bet that Van Gogh guy cut off his ear by accident and made up the "lost love" story so he wouldn't look stupid. (written by Andy Pierson).
That pretty well says how I am feeling at the moment. I am feeling Van Gogh-ish. It may sound silly, but I bet it made you smile and/or you could relate.

Monday, January 21, 2008

I just received this as an e-mail and felt it warranted this posting!

To realize the Value

To realize the value of a sister
Ask someone who doesn't have one

To realize the value of ten years:

Ask a newly divorced couple

To realize the value of four years:

Ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year:

Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of nine months:

Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize the value of one month:

Ask a mother who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize the value of one week:

Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize The value of one minute:

Ask a person who has missed the train,
bus or plane.

To realize The value of one-second:

Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of a friend
or family member


Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when

You can share it with someone special.

Peace, love and prosperity to all!


Hold on tight to the ones you Love

Sunday, January 20, 2008


Have you ever noticed that when you seem to be trying to do things right there is ALWAYS resistance in either that area, or another that is very close to your heart. For those of you that know me, you know that I suffer from a terribly low self esteem, and now for those of you that don't know me, now you know. I have done much better in recent years, but I seem to let little things creep in and destroy any positive thing that has begun. It tends to begin with people. Much of the time with people that I am close to. I have been pretty excited about a few things recently, and in one foul swoop my enthusiasm was squashed! DARN IT! I'm not giving up, don't worry!

I think that is something else I need to work on. My attitude about disappointments, and failures and what or rather where my happiness is found? I know the scriptures, I know what they say. I believe the Word of God is true and that God loves me, that He sent His Son to die for me, and that I have received Salvation through Jesus Christ. I simply seem to have wavering faith when it comes to me. I am nothing.

I have so much inside that I want to do , or want to say, but when it comes out.... well it doesn't sound as good as it was supposed to. Hmmmmm, could I be listening to the wrong voice? I think part of the time I listen only to the loud booming voice of my inner insecure self, rather that quietly waiting for that still small voice that will guide me.

Oh, if we could just live up to our expectations, or even our intentions!!!
I could do so much it would be amazing. Yes, super woman I would be. I could leap large piles in a single bound. I could have a spotless home (dustless anyway) by simply blowing it away. My laundry would be done in record time because I would have warp speed. I think God and I will have to have a discussion about some of my issues when I get to heaven. I have always wondered why God didn't give mother's a retractable arm that would appear when a third hand is necessary as you do all of the things a mother has to do. Why weren't we born with a programmable chip to be everything to everybody. Sort of like Rosie from the Jetsons. I'm already built like her (minus the wheels for feet).

This is a strange post, but oh well. I'm writing....

Let me see. There are so many things I want to do right now, (I now want to paint my living room. Help me Tina) but I know I need to finish the ones I already started. Jeff kind of got on my case about my book last night. He said that I am getting grumpy when people ask me about it. I guess I hadn't noticed that part. I 'm sorry if I groused at you if you asked me. I have been pre-occupied about a few other things recently. The book has gone no where. I am still waiting for God to tell me what to do. Not one of the brightest excuses, but that's the way it is. I am simply at a stand still. I really want to finish this project. So much so that is why I quit my job last June.

Jeff just built me a new computer desk, and we are in the process of getting it set up and building it in like you do a cabinet. I just wanted to get it done, and set up... we've been talking for two years about doing this. Well, now it's installed but I need to get everything moved over from this desk to the other desk. It will give me room to study and to write. Maybe. For some reason I started an argument about the whole thing. Who knows why. Of course he (Jeff) added a few things to the conversation, but needless to say by the time it was all said and done I felt like crawling into a pit. For those of you that are Beth Moore people, yes, I need to crawl out of that thing. I have changed a few of the pictures that my pit is papered with, but I am still hanging there with my fingernails clinging to the top.

I am getting better. At least I can see daylight, and I'm clinging to the top rather than the bottom. I just need to learn to overcome those lousy moments of insecurities and condemnation. God has a purpose for people like me, He's given me a job. I'm just afraid I'll be a disappointment, or be disappointed. Whooeeee. I am really being honest here. I was accused of needing people's approval (last night's conversation) and in SOME ways I guess I do. I am really searching for God's approval. His "stamp" on the things that I am attempting to do. I need His guidance, His words, His direction. (His publisher). I guess the essence of what I am saying is that I need MORE OF HIM AND LESS OF ME.

I need to finish this and turn off the computer to get it moved. It'll be so nice when I FINISH this project!

Monday, January 14, 2008

So far in 2008

I have been on the computer more in the last three weeks than I had in the last three months put together. It's been fun though. I have again made a couple more connections with old friends and acquaintances. It certainly is a small world when you find out that someone that you knew 28 years ago(Hi Esta) has a connection to your oldest son (Micah). Well, not my son actually, but to pastor Gary. Many many moons ago. And to another person I know (Danny). Pretty cool if you ask me. Thanks too to Hugh "Huggy-Bear" my old Dean of Students for his kind words, and encouragement. It was great talking to you after sooooo long. I got a booklet that Hugh wrote on "Growing Through the Losses of Life". It is certainly right up my alley as Jeff and I lead the grief support group at church, and that is what I am taking classes for. I am going to get my certification in counseling. I already have my Associates degree in Counseling, but will now actually do something with it.

I am officially a student again! Woo-Hoo. Yep, I will begin courses next week via the Internet (I am not brave enough to go on campus).
I am really excited, my biggest concern is that I'll not have enough brain cells to do the studying, and actually learn. So. let me know if I look any more educated next time you see me... ha! Probably a little frazzled if anything.

I have noticed that my blogging has become less frequent. That's not good. This was one of my exercises in writing. Oops, see what I mean about not finishing things. Alas, I am here and will attempt more practice.

I had to spend the ENTIRE day at the hospital yesterday with my dad. He has been in the hospital so many times in the last 12 months that I have lost count. He has to go back next Wednesday for another bi-pass on his lower right leg. This will be the third bi-pass on that leg. Plus he has had two angio-plasties in between, as well as a few other visits that have taken place via the ambulance for other issues. This is really wearing us down. My sister will take him next week. He is NOT helping himself here either. He has bladder cancer (yesterday's visit) and this leg problem and it's increased in seriousness by the fact that he is a smoker, yes he's worse than a chimney. Smells worse too. I can't believe I used to smell that bad when I smoked so many years ago. Yuck. These smelly little white cancer sticks have caused much havoc on his body, and all of our lives. I wish they never would have been created. (I'll climb down from my soap box now)

My nephew (Sean) left for Cuba this morning for a week, then he comes back for a few days and then he and his dad (my brother-in-law Tom) will go back for an additional week. Please lift them up in prayer. It's for meetings, and also to do some building.

I have a lot of things I need to pray about, so I think I'd better get to it! I hope to be back in blogging world a little more often now, so see ya soon!

Sunday, January 6, 2008

What will 2008 bring?

So far 2008 had brought some interesting things. I have made some re-connections with people from college that I haven't seen or spoken with in almost 28 years. I have been searching for my college transcripts. That is tough for me because the college that I attended is no longer around. It was only around for seven years anyway. I talked to the man that was the Dean of Students on Friday. That in itself was a real feat. I had googled all of my prof's to no avail. I assumed that they were all scattered hither and yon. Then I found a "my space" from a past student from HSEC (Heritage School of Evangelism and Communication) I read a little blurb about Hugh and that he was working part time for a "periodical" so I took a chance and e-mailed the periodical. Lo and behold, I received a phone call from Hugh on Friday. WOW! That was amazing. It was pretty cool talking to him after so many years have passed. The only problem was, he didn't have the best news for me. He said that when he left the school in "87 the files were spread all over the place. Then he heard from this other person that someone found them in the garbage and salvaged at least some of them. I e-mailed the person that had some of them in her possession, but have not heard back from her as of yet. What a roller coaster! I only need the transcripts so that I can take more classes to get my certification... UGH! I had no idea how tough it was gonna be just to get information.

Nevertheless, I won't get to discouraged because I have made connections that had been lost for so many years. I am hoping to make a few more, and possibly even arrange a reunion. That would be a lot of fun! So if anyone reads this and you were a student at HSEC please contact me!

Well the day that I have been dreading is upon me... my boys go back to school tomorrow. I am NOT looking forward to them being gone (although I won't miss the extra messes or laundry) It's pretty dull around here without them.

I have begun working on a scrapbook for my sister-in-law Debbie. She and her husband Russ are having a surprise birthday party for Russ's dad. He'll be 85 on Saturday. So, my days have been full of pictures of people I don't know, but I'm having fun cause I love to scrapbook!

I certainly hope that this week will bring with it some more interesting things. The things that God spoke to me last June, are beginning to come about. Please keep Jeff and I in your prayers as we explore new avenues that God seems to be putting before us. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. I know what God said to me, I am waiting for Jeff to get the same message. I am keeping my mouth shut (believe it or not!) It will most definitely have to be God for any of the things to come to pass!!!!!

I'll keep praying, and working, and hoping, and ......

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone! Yes, once again we will have to train ourselves to write 2008. For Pete sake I still found myself writing '06 a couple of times before '07 was over! I guess it's a "mind-set" that I need to practice. Of course if I was good a that I guess I wouldn't have to worry so much.

I think that I mentioned in my last blog that 2008 is going to be a year of "finishing" for me. Over the past week and a half I have been looking into a lot of options for myself. I am not going to go into anything until I know that I have something to actually blog about. I seem to have worked myself into a lovely little rut that is about 12 feet deep, and the ladder that I have is only a little three foot step stool. As most of you know, I am NOT TALL, so with my 5'2" frame and my three foot ladder I'm a little shy of reaching the top of my rut.

Christmas was wonderful! It was so good to have my family all together. Micah got home at about 3:40 a.m Christmas morning. He and I talked for about 45 minutes, then he opted out for a little sleep. He said that all four Christmas Eve services went real well and he heard some positive comments from a few people in the congregation as he walked through the church. That really made his day. He had been pretty worried. Pastor Gary and several other pastors and their families commented too. He went back home on Friday afternoon, his youngest brother and cousin Sean went too. Sean and Chris will be coming home today. (Sean drove too)

Jordan and Chris will be leaving on Monday to go back to IWU. Then Jeff and I will be back to our "just the two of us" stage in life. I will probably take down all of my Christmas decorations before the guys leave. In my mind if I don't take down the decorations, Christmas won't end....???? NOT! I usually take them down on New Years, but will work on it tomorrow. (I have the Scarlett O'Hara attitude)

My guys had a good Christmas too. Jordan got a deer on Sunday night. His brothers were a bit envious. So far Jordan is the ONLY one that got a deer this year. I tried really I did! Have you noticed how hard it is to shop for your children after they are "adults"? I think they knew everything they were getting. It used to be so much fun to get them gifts (toys especially) and see how excited they would get. Now, excitement is at a minimum. They pick out most of their own stuff. Oh the pain of it all.... kids growing up!

I am not one for making resolutions. Why you ask? I have problems finishing things remember????? I resolved to finish things. Ideas, projects, education, and what ever else strikes my fancy. Did you notice that I never posted pictures of the quilted projects that I boasted about? Know why? I never got them done. I will work on them after the kids are gone when I can set up the table and keep it up till I'm done. I started a couple of other small projects too. I forced myself to finish those. I plan to finish the Christmas ham today (thank God ham keeps) all of the other "left-overs are long gone. See I'm trying.

I am looking forward to the "Our Circle of Friends" Women's conference. Check it out! It'll be February 15-16. Their speaker will be Carol Kent. She is very good. I've heard her before at Women's Anew several years ago. If you are interested get tickets ASAP! There will be special seminars and everything. (Tina will have a special one see: Just to peak your interest.

I have so much to say, but don't know when I'll actually have something worth posting. Just keep me in your prayers! I truly want to be an instrument of God. I want to walk in obedience, be led by the Spirit, and when people look at me I want them to see God not me. Well Lord, you have a big job ahead! I am really glad that God loves me, otherwise He might give up on me.